--- title: When someone dies: guilt, numbness and waves of grief — a lesson of Mova's school · trees and pragmatics description: «When someone dies: guilt, numbness and waves of grief», a lesson of the reflection course of Mova's primary school, sentence by sentence with dependency trees and pragmatics. It begins: Grief is the deep sadness after someone you love dies, and it does not move in a straight line: it comes in waves --- [Mova](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/) · [this page in HTML](https://mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/) [home](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/) / [corpora](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/) / [school](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/) / [Reflection](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/) / When someone dies: guilt, numbness and… # When someone dies: guilt, numbness and waves of grief Lesson 1 of the reflection course of Mova's primary school: 21 sentences, each with its syntax tree and pragmatics. The lessons are written for Mova, and their agreed trees are part of Mova corpus 0.4 (CC BY-SA 4.0). How Mova does on its tests: [the lesson at school](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/school-run/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/). - [0](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/0/) — Grief is the deep sadness after someone you love dies, and it does not move in a straight line: it comes in waves, out of nowhere, in the bath or on the bus, then goes quiet for a while, then comes back. - [1](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/1/) — Jamie skipped visiting Grandad on Sunday to play football, and Grandad died on the Tuesday; every night in bed the same thought plays like a song stuck on repeat: "I could've gone. - [2](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/2/) — I picked stupid football. - [3](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/3/) — He probably asked where I was." - [4](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/4/) — That loop is guilt, and it is very common after a death: the mind hunts for one thing it could have changed, because "if only I had" feels less helpless than "nothing could be done". - [5](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/5/) — But nobody knew that Sunday was the last chance, and one missed visit does not cancel years of love; over weeks the sharp pain usually turns into a dull ache, and the day he forgets for a whole afternoon is not betrayal, it is healing. - [6](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/6/) — What helped Jamie was telling Mum the Sunday thought out loud, and she told him Grandad watched his match videos on her phone and was proud; what did not help was pretending at school that he was fine. - [7](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/7/) — Grief is the deep sadness after someone dies; "passed away" is a softer way of saying "died". - [8](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/8/) — Grief often comes in waves: sudden crying at odd moments, then calmer times; over weeks and months the waves usually come less often and less hard. - [9](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/9/) — Guilt after a death is very common; the mind looks for something it could have changed, because that feels less helpless than accepting nobody could. - [10](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/10/) — An accident is a mistake with a terrible result, not something done on purpose; "beating yourself up" means blaming yourself again and again. - [11](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/11/) — Some people feel numb at first, as if their feelings were switched off, because the mind protects itself from too much at once; the tears can come weeks later. - [12](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/12/) — Not crying at a funeral does not mean you did not love the person; everyone grieves differently. - [13](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/13/) — People often avoid someone who is grieving because they are scared of saying the wrong thing; a short "I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say, but I'm here" is enough. - [14](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/14/) — When nobody mentions a death, the grieving person can feel invisible, even though most people do care; many grieving people want others to say the dead person's name. - [15](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/15/) — How sad you feel about a loss depends on how much you cared, not on how big the animal was; laughing at someone's sadness makes them hide it. - [16](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/16/) — Dementia is an illness that damages memory and thinking; a person may forget names but often still responds to a loved voice, a hug or an old song. - [17](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/17/) — The last moment with someone can feel huge because it can no longer be fixed, but one rude or careless moment does not erase a whole year. - [18](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/18/) — Knowing that someone will die soon can bring grief early; "terminally ill" means ill and not going to get better, and fearing that other family members will die too is common and does not make it happen. - [19](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/19/) — When a vet "puts an animal to sleep" (also "puts it down"), the vet helps a very ill animal die peacefully without pain; families choose it to end suffering. - [20](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/1-when-someone-dies-guilt-numbness-and-waves-of-grief/20/) — Things that often help are saying the looping thought to a trusted adult, writing a letter to the person, keeping something of theirs and saying their name; pretending and avoiding usually make it heavier. - next →: [Grief has no timetable: houses, anniversaries and big questions](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/2-grief-has-no-timetable-houses-anniversaries-and-big-questions/) - ↑ back to [Reflection](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/)