--- title: Parents shouting, parents splitting: it's not your fault — a lesson of Mova's school · trees and pragmatics description: «Parents shouting, parents splitting: it's not your fault», a lesson of the reflection course of Mova's primary school, sentence by sentence with dependency trees and pragmatics. It begins: When things go wrong between grown-ups at home, children very often decide, quietly, in bed, that it must be b --- [Mova](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/) · [this page in HTML](https://mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/) [home](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/) / [corpora](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/) / [school](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/) / [Reflection](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/) / Parents shouting, parents splitting: i… # Parents shouting, parents splitting: it's not your fault Lesson 12 of the reflection course of Mova's primary school: 18 sentences, each with its syntax tree and pragmatics. The lessons are written for Mova, and their agreed trees are part of Mova corpus 0.4 (CC BY-SA 4.0). How Mova does on its tests: [the lesson at school](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/school-run/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/). - [0](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/0/) — When things go wrong between grown-ups at home, children very often decide, quietly, in bed, that it must be because of them, and that if they are good enough they can fix it. - [1](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/1/) — Through the wall Maisie heard Mum and Dad shouting again, a door slammed and Dad's car left; she lay awake thinking, "Is it 'cause I was bad at tea? - [2](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/2/) — If I'm really, really good, maybe they'll stop," and for weeks she was extra quiet and tidy, with a sore tummy every morning. - [3](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/3/) — The truth is that grown-ups argue about grown-up things like money, tiredness and work; a child does not cause it and a perfect child cannot stop it, so that heavy job was never hers to carry. - [4](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/4/) — What helped was telling Mum she had heard, and Mum saying clearly, "It's not your fault"; she still felt worried when voices rose, but she knew it wasn't her job to fix it. - [5](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/5/) — And when home ever feels scary, like a parent who drinks and turns loud and frightening, or a brother who really hurts you, it is not a secret to keep: tell a trusted adult such as a teacher, a gran or a children's helpline. - [6](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/6/) — Parents argue about grown-up things like money, tiredness and work; it is never caused by the child, and a child being perfect cannot stop it. - [7](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/7/) — "Rowing" is a UK word for arguing; "it's not on you" means it is not your responsibility. - [8](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/8/) — When parents split up ("separate"), children often hope it will go back to how it was; over months, a new normal in two homes can feel okay, even good. - [9](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/9/) — Having your own things in both homes and a calendar showing where you'll be can help after a split. - [10](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/10/) — Children should not have to choose between parents; where a child lives ("custody") is a grown-up decision, and "I love you both, I don't want to choose" is a fair thing to say. - [11](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/11/) — Drinking too much alcohol can change how a person acts; if a child feels scared at home because of it, it is not his fault and he should tell a trusted adult. - [12](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/12/) — Money worries come from bills, jobs and prices, not from one child's shoes; children often blame themselves for things they did not cause. - [13](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/13/) — Depression is an illness that makes a person very sad and tired for a long time; it is not the child's fault, a child cannot cure it, and doctors can help. - [14](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/14/) — New stepparents take time; feeling angry at first is normal, and doing small things together can help people get on. - [15](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/15/) — Being hurt at home is not okay, even by a brother or sister; play-fighting that really hurts and scares you is not play, and telling a grown-up keeps you safe. - [16](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/16/) — "Made redundant" means losing a job because there is no work for it; it is not anyone's fault, and families can get through a move together. - [17](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/12-parents-shouting-parents-splitting-it-s-not-your-fault/17/) — When parents get back together after a split, trusting that things will stay good can take time; mixed feelings, happy and scared at once, are normal. - ← previous: [Cringe that lasts: getting over embarrassing moments](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/11-cringe-that-lasts-getting-over-embarrassing-moments/) - next →: [Hard things at home: broken promises, silence, money and illness](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/13-hard-things-at-home-broken-promises-silence-money-and-illness/) - ↑ back to [Reflection](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/)