--- title: Living with loss: keeping memories, and loss that isn't death — a lesson of Mova's school · trees and pragmatics description: «Living with loss: keeping memories, and loss that isn't death», a lesson of the reflection course of Mova's primary school, sentence by sentence with dependency trees and pragmatics. It begins: After a loss, the things you used to do with someone can hurt at first, and later turn into the very thin --- [Mova](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/) · [this page in HTML](https://mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/) [home](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/) / [corpora](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/) / [school](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/) / [Reflection](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/) / Living with loss: keeping memories, an… # Living with loss: keeping memories, and loss that isn't death Lesson 3 of the reflection course of Mova's primary school: 18 sentences, each with its syntax tree and pragmatics. The lessons are written for Mova, and their agreed trees are part of Mova corpus 0.4 (CC BY-SA 4.0). How Mova does on its tests: [the lesson at school](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/school-run/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/). - [0](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/0/) — After a loss, the things you used to do with someone can hurt at first, and later turn into the very things that make you feel close to them. - [1](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/1/) — Ryan's grandad always took him fishing; the first time Ryan went alone he sat by the river thinking, "It's not the same. - [2](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/2/) — I don't even like it without him," and cried into his flask of tea. - [3](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/3/) — Months later he started talking out loud to Grandad at the river, and fishing began to feel like being near him again; keeping a tradition "in his memory" turned the hurt into a link. - [4](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/4/) — Loss is not only death: a best friend moving abroad, a dog that has to be rehomed, a mum changed by illness, or a family that goes silent can all leave a hole, and the feelings are real even when nobody has died. - [5](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/5/) — Sad feelings also come back around anniversaries, which is not "going backwards"; and when people say clumsy things like "I know how you feel", they are usually trying to connect. - [6](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/6/) — Doing things you did with someone who died can hurt at first, then become a way to feel close to them; this is called keeping a tradition. - [7](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/7/) — Illness can change how a person looks; chemo, a medicine for cancer, can make hair fall out, but the person inside is the same. - [8](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/8/) — Being scared of how an ill parent looks does not make a child mean; asking questions usually helps more than pretending not to notice. - [9](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/9/) — Grown-ups cry too, especially about something they loved for a long time; seeing a parent cry can feel strange, but it is human. - [10](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/10/) — A friend moving far away is a real loss; making a new friend later does not betray the old one. - [12](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/12/) — Some grown-ups find it too painful ("too raw") to talk about someone who died; their silence does not mean the person was bad. - [13](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/13/) — Finding another person who can talk and share stories, like a gran, often helps when the rest of the family goes quiet. - [14](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/14/) — To be rehomed means to be given to another family to look after; an allergy is when your body reacts badly to something, such as animal fur. - [15](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/15/) — Being angry at a brother or sister for something they cannot help, like an allergy, is normal, but it is not fair to them. - [16](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/16/) — Comforting phrases like "she's watching over you" can sometimes make a child worry, and it is fine to ask what grown-ups mean. - [17](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/17/) — Sad feelings often return around the anniversary of a death; it does not mean you are going backwards. - [18](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/3-living-with-loss-keeping-memories-and-loss-that-isn-t-death/18/) — People sometimes say "I know how you feel" to show they care, even when their loss was different; every loss is different. - ← previous: [Grief has no timetable: houses, anniversaries and big questions](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/2-grief-has-no-timetable-houses-anniversaries-and-big-questions/) - next →: [Letting a friend down: broken promises and spilled secrets](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/4-letting-a-friend-down-broken-promises-and-spilled-secrets/) - ↑ back to [Reflection](https://md.mova.elamur.ai/free/en/corpora/school/reflection/)